So You Say You Love Me
by Rhythm Runt
Summary: Ryoma has grown tired of his numerous stalkers and issues a challenge to find out who really is the one for him. Shounenai.
1. So You Say You Love Me

Title: So You Say You Love Me

Author: Rhythm Runt

Disclaimer: I'm a college student. In other words one step down from trading sexual favors for food. If I owned this, I doubt income would be a problem.

Warning: It might very well be hazardous to your health to read this. Or it might just cure bitchiness or erectile disfunction. I'm kinda chronic with the first some days, so I'll let you know. Oh yeah, I don't have a beta and I'm doing this on wordpad which lacks all that fancy correctin' stuff, so just point out a mistake, don't mock me for it, k?

A/N: Alright, alright, I'm a newbie (more or less) so don't be too harsh just yet. Let me get my toes wet or sutting before you start choppin' 'em off. This fic started harrassing me last night and I couldn't get to sleep and I'm doing it now as opposed to working on that english essay. Sigh College is a waste anyway, ne?

* * *

Chapter 1: So You Say You Love Me

"Echizen, did you have some reason for gathering us all together like this?" Sanada asked coolly, glancing out over the packed tennis court where a large number of gifted players had convened

"Yeah. _Some_ of us have places to be," Kirihara complained loudly, hands crossed behind his head, sneer in place.

"Hmm, if I'm not mistaken it's your day to stalk me according to Inui's schedule, right?" Ryoma asked acidly. That silenced the mutinous rumblings eminating form the court. "I'd meant to ignore it until it passed, but ..." He glanced over at them. "It's gotten out of hand."

"Out of hand? I don't know what you mean ..." Kentarou laughed awkwardly.

"I have sixteen stalkers."

"Actually," Inui corrected, pushing his glasses up his nose, "You have seventeen and Kevin Smith." He turned to glance around at the players gathered. "But why are you here Oishi? You haven't expressed any romantic interest in Echizen."

"Morbid curiosity," Oishi answered. "That and to make sure things don't get out of hand."

"Interesting," Inui replied scribbling away in his notebook.

"So I've come up with a way to put an end to all of this," Ryoma announced as though any previous interruptions hadn't happened.

"Oh?" Inui queried, glancing up from his furious note-taking.

"I'm proposing a contest between those of you who think they love me."

"It's not a tennis match, is it?" Eiji asked worriedly, while the others divided their glances among Tezuka, Sanada, and Atobe in a similarly fearful fashion.

"No."

"Whoo," Eiji whistled out in relief. "I was worried there for a minute."

"So what is this contest, Echizen?" Momo asked loudly.

"If people would stop interrupting me, I'd have already gotten to that," Ryoma responded coolly. Everyone wilted under his glare and were immediately silenced. Well, almost everyone ...

"C'mon brat, we don't have all day."

Echizen glared at Akutsu, who wasn't fazed in the slightest, before continuing. "I'm proposing a 'True Love Test'."

"Hmm ... a love contest, ka?" Fuji asked to himself quietly, smiling ch_eerily_.

"Ne, Oishi, this sounds like fun!" Kikumaru exclaimed, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet excitedly.

"But, Eiji ..." Oishi looked more than a little concerned about this test.

"Bah. He should just go ahead and choose Ore-sama already. Ne, Kabaji?"

"..."

"Kabaji!!"

"Fshuu," was Kaidoh's only reply as he rolled his eyes and began to slouch off the courts.

"What kind of test is it, Echizen?" Mizuki asked, curling his hair around his finger in amusement.

"It's simple really," Echizen answered watching the others lean in expectantly, as though he were Moses offering religious proclamations. "I'm simply going to ask how you'd prove that you love me." This was met by startled silence until the voices broke out in irritation again.

"How is such a lame test going to prove anything," Kirihara whined.

"I fail to see the factual merit in your test, Echizen," Inui also complained, once again readjusting his glasses. And he'd been hoping for something intense and statistical. Like some dating site's survey.

"I'll know if it's real," Ryoma assured them. "You don't need to worry about being overlooked by accident. But," he warned them holding out one finger for emphasis, "You only get one chance."

'There must be more to this test than I'm seeing. I guess I'll just have to start researching.'

Others weren't as convinced ...

"Echizen," Tezuka called out sternly. Which is to say in his normal tone of voice.

"Buchou?"

"Fifty laps." At that Echizen narrowed his eyes dangerously before puffing on his bangs and setting off around the courts.

"Ne, Tezuka, I don't think that's what Echizen had in mind," Oishi told him soothingly.

"Oishi."

"Hai?"

"Fifty laps."

"But I'm not even after Echizen!" Oishi wailed as he began running around the courts.

* * *

A/N: So what you think? Good? Bad? Too horrified to form an opinion? Then tell me so in a review if you would be so kind!

A/N 2: I'm also mildly torn on the end result. If you have anyone in particular you'd like to have Echizen paired with, or no one at all for that matter, if you can sell your point to me I might use it. As of now, though, I have an ending (no middle though) that I really like, but I am amenable to suggestions. Or maybe I'm just suggestible? Who can say?

'Til Next Chapter!


	2. Name That Devil

A/N: Wow! I was so happy that so many people liked it and I promise I'll respond to your reviews as soon as I possibly can. I won't be able to update until next week 'cuz it's the home stretch of my freshman year and I've got two papers and some calc work do for tuesday. I shouldn't really be doing this now actually ... but, well, I couldn't help myself.

A/N 2: This should answer most of the questions some of you had. I've put the full list of stalkers in my profile. I've written a little of the third chapter and I do something really awful to Hyotei. I blame this on the Fuji-devil who sits here and fills my head with plot ideas ... Say hi by the way.

Fuji-devil: Hello ...

But I'm sure you'll all greatly enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I couldn't afford the Fuji-angel ... assuming it even exists ...

Warning: Oishi comes off a little Momo towards the end ... I couldn't help it. Lengthy author notes. Fuji ...

* * *

Chapter 2: Name That Devil

Oishi was washing his face with the cold, clear water at the tennis court's taps when he heard the distinctive sound of a can being popped behind him. "Echizen?" he called out without bothering to turn around, knowing that the only other person left after he had finished his laps was the freshman. As he finished patting his face dry he wondered why Ryoma wasn't speaking. "Was there something you wanted?" he asked, turning to find a can of ponta thrust into his face. Staggering back slightly in surprise, he grabbed the can instinctively, and followed Echizen off to the side of the courts where they sat down exhausted, backs pressed against the bark of a tree.

"Ne, Echizen, is this about your stalking problem?" Ryoma looked at him flatly. "I don't mean that you have a problem with stalking people!" Oishi explained hurriedly, Ryoma just frowned at that. "I mean you don't stalk people, I was ... "Oishi trailed off at the smirk Ryoma was directing at him. "You're a cold person Echizen, so cold." He declared, doing a fair impersonation of Momoshiro.

"Hai, senpai," he answered boredly, not quite managing to erase the smirk still on his face.

Oishi sighed in defeat. "Alright, what did you want to know Echizen? If you're worried about the stalkers, I'd say you got rid of about half of them today."

"Oh?"

"Some of them, like Kirihara or Kentarou," Oishi explained, "Aren't interested in you romantically, or at least I don't think so anyway. I'd say Kirihara was doing it because you beat Sanada, something he's never managed to get close to doing, and now he wants to beat you. Kentarou's already lost against you and probably wants to make sure the same thing doesn't happen again. The best way to find your enemies weak points is to study him closely, after all."

'Oishi-senpai always ends with a lecture ...' "And the others ...?" Echizen asked curiously, head tilting upward to glance at the sky through the shifting patterns of the branches.

"You want me to run through the list?" Oishi pouted, sounding put upon. Sighing at the relative indfference he was greeted with, which happened to be Echizen's normal state, he continued. "Well, Ibu and Yuuta were probably here for the same reason as the other two. Mizuki was probably trying to plan a way to abduct you and enroll you at St. Rudolph," he clenched his teeth at the thought. "And, well the rest," he thought upon Akutsu's and Kabaji's presence "I can't even begin to imagine about some of them."

"What about Kikumaru-senpai?" Of all the ones there, this one bemused him the most. "I thought there was something going on between you two."

At that Oishi choked on the sip of ponta he had just taken and turned bright red. "I don't know what you mean Echizen!"

Echizen yawned and lowered his cap over his face. "You lie poorly, senpai."

"H-how did you...?" Ryoma smirked and opened his mouth, but Oishi cut him off abruptly. "Don't even say it Echizen. I don't wanna hear it." Ryoma closed his mouth but did nothing about his smirk. At that Oishi sighed in defeat. "I have no idea what Eiji's doing ... and as for Inui," he moved on, "the one who set this whole thing up, definitely in search of more data, he's just evil."

At that Echizen sat up. "Oh? Then what does that make Fuji-senpai?" Ryoma asked curiously, smirk back in place.

At that Oishi twitched and looked around nervously. "Hehe Echizen, it really isn't a good idea idea to talk about Fuji like that."

"Oh?"

Oishi had a nervous tick going in his left eye all of a sudden and he hadn't stopped scanning the area for signs of Seigaku's tensai. "Don't Americans have an expression: name the devil and he shall appear?" At that Ryoma laughed.

"Did Oishi say something funny Ryoma-kun? I must have missed it ..." At the sound of Fuji's voice coming from behind them, both Ryoma and Oishi flew about three feet into the air and took off running. "Oh, but Ryoma, I was all prepared to answer your challenge ..." Smiling to himself Fuji merrily walked over to where Inui had hidden himself during the exchange. "Find out anything interesting Inui?"

"Just that Oishi's more scared of you than I had given him credit for," Inui replied, adjusting his glasses.

"For good reason, I guess," Fuji laughed brightly making Inui cringe. "For a very good reason."

* * *

A/N: Well, that's the second chapter. I'm sorry if it's a bit short. 'Til next time! 


	3. The Massacre

A/N: This week has been dreadful. First, I had to write those papers. Two, I had to prepare for a presentation in English. Third, I haven't had a decent night's sleep since they stormed the Kremlin. And fourth, I come home for the weekend to get some relaxation and my parent's have friends up and I am forced to share the living room with the world's loudest snorer.

I wish I were dead … **sob**

I apologize in advance if this isn't up to my usual caliber but I promise I'll look it over on Monday when I get back to school and high-speed internet and edit it.

On a brighter note I love each and every one of you reviewers and I know I'm awful for not responding yet but I promise to do so as soon as I possibly can.

Disclaimer: … is this really necessary?

Warning: No worries I grappled with Fuji-D and there are no longer any implosions or cases of spontaneous combustion to worry about.

* * *

Chapter 3: The Massacre

The last few days had been bad for Ryoma. Bad like the way it would be if the latest shipment of Ponta had been tainted and been put on permanent recall while simultaneously every tennis ball began emitting poisonous gas upon impact. He had a new twitch to show for all the stress and his game had become erratic. It was, however, just the beginning. It had been a week since he had issued the challenge and he could feel things rushing towards some resolution. Consequently, he wasn't in the mood to deal with Kikumaru-senpai when he popped out of nowhere and tackled him in a suffocating hug.

"Ochibi-chan, I -"

"Kikumaru-senpai, whatever part of you touches me you won't be getting back." He turned his head to the side and both bloodshot, shifty eyes and his brand new twitch compounded his normal Echizen-glare.

"Nyahhh!" Eiji wailed and popped off Ryoma even faster than he had glomped onto him.

"Kikumaru-senpai, go back to Oishi-senpai," he turned to face him full on, "Unless there's something you'd like to say..." Eiji stiffened like a plank and collapsed rocking back and forth on the sidewalk hollowly.

* * *

"That is why Ore-sama waited, it was obvious the first one was going to be decimated on contact..." Atobe declared quietly from around the corner with two of his Hyotei cronies in tow.

"I had no idea Echizen-kun could be so dangerous," Choutaro gasped. "But why am I here Atobe-buchou?"

"All in good time, all in good time." Ootori looked less than convinced but decided to let it rest for now. "Alright, Kabaji Ore-sama agree that you could go first and first you shall go."

"Usu."

* * *

"Eh?" This was just too weird for him Echizen decided, looking up at his newest obstacle. They'd been like this for the last couple of minutes with Ryoma just staring up at Kabaji and Kabaji looking blankly back. When he moved to the left, Kabaji moved to the right and vice-versa, a perfect mirror of his actions. Giving up on all normal approaches to escape, Echizen turned ninety degrees and sidestepped past him as Kabaji did the same. Seemingly satisfied with escaping intact, if a little confused, Ryoma continued down the road without glancing back. Kabaji, however, looked, well, blank, but a sad kind of blank, as Choutarou and Atobe moved up to collect him.

"Now you shall all watch the majesty of Ore-sama as he sweeps that snarky little freshman off his feet!" Neither Kabaji nor Choutarou were giving him much consideration, however, seeing as how Echizen was now dealing with a far more interesting situation. "What are yo- oh." Ryoma was currently pinned against the side of a nearby apartment complex by Akutsu from Yamabuki. "When is it going to be Ore-sama's turn?!" Atobe whined.

* * *

"I've decided this little contest of yours has given you too big of a head, brat. So I'm gonna have to beat you down to size." Akutsu growled tightening his hold against Echizen's collar and lifting him further against the wall.

"Bastard! What do you think you're doing to my freshman! Moeruze! Burning!" Echizen glanced over and noticed Kawamura running full tilt into Akutsu knocking all three of them to the pavement.

Luckily, Taka-san's interruption distracted his attacker enough that Ryoma was able to pull away and make a break for it as the other two degenerated into a street brawl shouting insults at each other. He could still hear Taka's "Oh really, come on baby!" several blocks away. Then something weird hit him. That wasn't Kawamura-senpai's racket he was holding, but it did look familiar. Where had he seen that particular racket before…?

"Ahh, Echizen, just the little prodigy Ore-sama was hoping to see." Atobe was seated outside of a café at a table for two. "Join me, won't you?" he used one long leg to push out the chair situated across from him and motioned for Ryoma to have a seat.

'Could it have been the monkey king's racket that had saved me?' Upon further reflection Echizen decided that was a no, considering how possessive and self-centered Hyotei's captain was. Deciding that there was no point in delaying the inevitable Ryoma sighed and sat down.

"Now, now, you should be pleased. It's not every day that Ore-sama talks to commoners." There's this vein on Ryoma's forehead that bulges every time Atobe makes those comments and it was pretty close to blowing now and ruining Keigo's outfit. "Now Ore-sama normally wouldn't participate in something as lowly as this contest of yours but you'd already piqued my interest with your tennis skills, even if they aren't anywhere near my level, so I've decided to play as well. Aren't you glad?"

'He's lucky veins have so much elasticity.' Ryoma still hadn't said a word, waiting instead for Atobe to get to his point already.

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you look at it, participation isn't really necessary on both sides for a "conversation" with the monkey king. "This is what I propose Echizen-kun," he snapped his fingers and Kabaji came out holding a very startled Choutarou by his upper arms and dangling him a few inches off the ground. "If you choose me you get your very own Kabaji. Actually," he leaned in as Kabaji shook the protesting Ootori quiet, "It's only a Choutarou but you can train it to be like a Kabaji."

'Is this guy for real?' Echizen wondered before once again deciding on yes considering "Ore-sama's" nature. "Tempting, but I think I'll pass."

Atobe looked startled at his rejection. "But-"

"What the hell do you think you're doing Atobe?" Shishido yelled out, as Hyotei's own speed demon made his entrance onto the scene. Deciding this would be a good time to make his break for it, Echizen quietly slipped away from the ensuing Hyotei insanity.

"Shishido-san!" Choutarou gasped in relief as Kabaji dropped him.

"Choutarou is mine Atobe. Not yours. Mine!" Shishido exclaimed in outrage.

"Eh?" Ootori looked startled by this proclamation. Not happy startled. More like "he better be careful where he's treading" startled.

"Choutarou is not yours Shishido, he is Ore-sama's to do with as he wishes. And how dare you speak to your captain so!" Atobe also exclaimed in outrage.

"What?!" Now this was just too much. Not only were they talking about him as though he weren't there, but they were both claiming ownership over him as well.

"Ootori is not yours to do with as you wish," at this Choutarou nodded in agreement thinking that Ryou had come to his senses, "He is mine to do with as I wish!" Choutarou borrowed Echizen's vein at this point and blew it.

As Atobe was opening his mouth to respond Choutarou stood and the entire area went quiet. Not just their little corner of the world. The entire universe might just have been put on pause for this. As Ootori turned to face them they both sweatdropped and collapsed to the ground in knee-knocking, pant-pissing terror. "Ore-sama," 'what the hell?' ran through both their minds, as it was clear that Choutarou wasn't addressing Atobe but rather referring to himself. "Ore-sama does not _belong_ to anybody but himself," he declared icily as he stared both of them down. He then snapped his fingers and Kabaji appeared at his heels. "Come Kabaji."

"Usu."

It was several hours before either Atobe or Shishido were able to get enough feeling back in their bodies to move.

"I think I was just deposed," Atobe-the-no-longer-feeling-quite-so-buchou stated quietly.

"I think we were just dumped," Shishido added just as quietly before they collapsed into each other's arms in tears.

* * *

A/N: Well that was fun, and look Hyotei made it out more or less intact. Which is far more than a certain other was going for.

Fuji-Devil: Meh.

I'd originally intended to end this with another scene but I felt the Hyotei massacre was a good way for this chapter to end. This story will wrap up in the next chapter or two and I hope you're all there to enjoy it with me!


	4. Ryo and the Seven Stalkers

A/N: So here I am again, and wadda you know, it five blinking thirty, that's what I know. And just in case you're interested here's the progress for me versus finals (it's not goin' well, not well at all).

English 254 – portfolio done, presentation done, write-up of reading (author presentations thru-out the year) not done (an' more or less impossible to boot, they were always scheduled during top model I swear)

English 200 – portfolio everytime i think of you I die a little inside, paper... not done... c'est la

Japanese 197L – paper... not done (am now in search of razor to end it all... just remembered razor doesn't detach and is therefore vastly useless)

Psych 100 – final done, final bad, very very bad (it'd be nice if his tests EvEr covered the stuff he did in class, at least a little)

Calc 131 – final... thursday... and then I get to go home just in case I survive it all

And of course while not doing anything productive I have watched Loveless, Gakuen Heaven, Ouran (again), and have started to veer off into Blood+ ... Solomon is too pretty. I thought Fuji was bad with that but damn... You want proof, watch the eleventh episode this saturday on adultswim/cartoonnetwork at 12:30 after Bleach.

Disclaimer: At this point in time is this really necessary ...

Warning: Am running strictly on: (insomnia + no coffee) x finals insanity. Now find the third derivative. ... Don't worry I'll wait... Oh and the ending is really sappy/fluffy, I just couldn't help myself. It was a form of rebellion. (Reading ending note to find out against what I was rebelling).

* * *

Chapter 4: Ryo and the Seven Stalkers

"You're number six," Ryoma declared coldly as he stared up at the third year in front of him.

"I've always enjoyed feeling like a number in my relationships," boy number six sighed wistfully.

"I don't even know you are," Ryoma shook his head in exasperation. Said boy number six did not look amused. Actually, he looked about as far from amused as any person can be said to get (ask anyone at an amateur comic night what that's like).

Boy number six reached out his hand and grasped Echizen's shoulder as he started to walk away. Swallowing his pride, which was quite big of him actually, he replied only mildly tersely. "It only stands to reason, I guess. We've never actually met before. I'm Yukimura Seiichi." This did not have its desired effect, namely Echizen did not have that dawning look of comprehension/embarrassment that he was supposed to. "Rikkaidai's captain?" He didn't even 'oh' properly he just stared back at him, blankly, out of those big, cold, gold-hazel colored eyes waiting for him to get to some kind of point. "I understand that you beat Sanada, yes?"

What was going on in Echizen's mind was an interpretation of the facts:

1. Boy number six is Rikkaidai's captain.

2. He has mentioned Ryoma's defeat of Sanada.

Echizen's ultimate conclusion: He wants to have a match against me to see just how good I am.

Ryoma was not good at math.

Ryoma nodded abruptly and out of nowhere surprising Rikkaidai's captain. "You want to have a match with me."

It was not question. It would have been a great deal less awkward to deny if it had been. "Er, no." Ryoma looked perplexed before going distant once again. "Um, hello? Is everything all right in there?"

Alternate solution:

1. Boy number six mentioned "relationships."

2. Boy number six, now to be known as Yukimura, mentioned Sanada's defeat.

3. Yukimura has no interest in a match at this time.

Solution: Yukimura is interested in strong tennis players. Sanada was defeated by Ryoma. Yukimura is now interested in him.

Unfortunately, this solution too is wrong.

"You're interested in me because I beat Sanada."

Once again not a question. Once again the awkwardness. "I suppose that's right to a degree, but it's not really- Hold on one second you!" Ryoma looked up in surprise. "Don't you go all distant with me again and then blurt out some randomly drawn conclusion!" Ryoma was about to respond when he noticed a familiar cap covering a head of blue-black hair approaching. Yukimura, being of the ever-observant variety, noticed Ryoma's distracted state and turned in time to see Genichirou approach, if not in time ot do anything about it.

"Sanada," Yukimura greeted in surprise. "I wasn't expecting to run into you."

"Yukimura." That was all, and that's basically Sanada in a nut-shell really. Tezuka too, for that matter.

Ryoma is not completely oblivious. He puts on a good show of it and he even tries really hard to achieve it, but sadly, he is not oblivious.

Ryoma's new math with guaranteed correct solution:

1. Yukimura mentioned relationships.

2. Yukimura's first point of interest in conversation: Sanada.

3. Yukimura and Sanada's intense aura at the moment.

4. Clenching hands, increased breathing rate, sweat production increased ...

Solution: ... Not really necessary.

Too bad that most teacher's don't give you three opportunities to answer one question. He quietly sidled off as it was clear that some kind of revelation was moment's from rearing it's disgustingly fluffy head.

"Sanada, I ..."

"Yukimura, I ..."

They both blushed and Sanada motioned for Seiichi to go first. "Sanada I'm not interested in Ryoma!" This was it. He was just going to let it all out in one big go. Sort of like popping a zit. "I'm interested in you, but I know you're interested in Ryoma and-" He stopped in shock at the grin on Genichirou's face. 'Oh, so you think it's funny do you?' Yukimura was casually plotting the destruction of his teammate in a way that would have made Fuji proud. This was put to a stop, however, when...

"Yukimura, no Seiichi," that happened. "I'm not interested in Ryoma like that. I was only stalking him because you were. And to possibly get a rematch," he added to be completely honest.

"Genichirou," Yukimura smiled no longer feeling like Rudolph.

"Seiichi," was Sanada's only reply as he was feeling too much like Santa to be saying any more at the moment.

* * *

You know Ryoma just wasn't having any luck today either. Practice was getting quickly more and more awkward seeing as how the only ones left to deal with all resided within the tennis team. That and whenever Kikumaru got too close to Ryoma he either folded up like a blanket or clung to Oishi and sobbed "O-chibi is so mean nyah!" Oddly enough Oishi wasn't complaining, and seemed to make it a point to pass by Ryoma at least once every practice.

There was also no point in denying that Ryoma was at least as afraid of Fuji as Eiji was of him. Oh, it wasn't for any overt reasons. It's not like he _saw_ Fuji go around kicking puppies and plotting against his teammates. The problem simply was that he could see it, well maybe not the puppies thing.

The point was, things seemed to _happen_ when you were Fuji's point of interest. In fact, to this day, Yuuta swears he got that scar shaving and won't hear anything else about it. And Eiji's bandage was simply decorative, that's it. Logically, they both would look the worse without it but Ryoma was in no need for a beauty mark in his opinion. And therefore was staying very far away from Fuji.

Inui on the other hand...

"Inui-senpai," Ryoma asked, vaguely amused and more than a little concerned, "You haven't been researching girly magazines for this, have you?"

Inui flushed crimson. 'How did he know?' Inui's source material for arriving at an answer to Echizen's query had come in the form of magazines he had 'borrowed' from people like Tomoka and Sakuno and included such gold mines of information as "Ten Tips to Turn that Cold Fish into a Hot Tamale"and "Take Him Home Tonight Tresses" which thankfully did not apply. Needless to say, it was going to be an inevitable failure. For anyone. But no one could fail quite as spectacularly as Inui.

Ryoma just turned around and walked away without saying a word. After all, for some things, there simply are no words. And nearly walked straight into Tezuka.

"Gomen, buchou." Ryoma moved to walk around him but Tezuka moved with him. So Ryoma moved to the right and Tezuka did the same. Looking up in exasperation Echizen could see that his buchou had something he wanted to say so he stopped and waited in anticipation. Several moments of increasingly awkward silence had rolled by and Echizen was experiencing a disconcerting deja vu. Finally giving up, Ryoma simply did what he had done before with Kabaji and walked away.

"Tezuka," Tezuka sighed. "Fifty laps," and took off running.

Ryoma had simply given up on practice for today, and merely went to go get washed up and changed. Oishi was too indebted to Ryoma to complain and Tezuka was too busy running laps (and probabaly too embarrassed anyway) to say anything.

Upon finishing Echizen went to grab a can of Ponta and to enjoy it in silence before Momo-senpai could find him and confess his undying love to him. Inviting him out for burgers on the other hand, would be just fine. He noticed that Kaidoh-senpai was stretching in front of his favorite tree, the one he'd talked to Oishi under nearly two weeks ago. This didn't bother him much, however, since Kaidoh was nearly as talkative as he was. He'd always been vaguely curious about Kaidoh-senpai's fondness for pale yellow towels, however.

True to form, after he'd finished stretching, Kaidoh just sat there in silence with Ryoma, watching the sunlight flicker through the trees. That is until:

"I'd tell you."

"Hmm?" Echizen was thrown off by Kaidoh's sudden comment.

"To prove that I love you," Kaidoh answered more fully. "I'd tell you."

"Hmm," Ryoma was shocked, that's no big surprise. Shocked, maybe a little amused, but certainly not disappointed. "I guess you win, Kaidoh-senpai."

And they just sat there in silence, watching the sunlight flicker through the trees.

* * *

A/N: Oh the fluff it hurts! I couldn't resist a little bit of homage to the Tenipuri christmas episode. I apologize. I'd also decided long ago that if you put Orochimaru from Naruto and Ichimaru from Bleach into a room with Fuji they'd come out (assuming they'd survived the experience) reformed and working as volunteers at animal shleters and hospices around the world. Now as to the Inui thing ... Suggestions or do you like the ambiguity and using your own imagination?

A/N 2: I've been arguing with F-D about the ending for a long time now and we've reached something of an agreement. In return for Hyotei well, surviving, I agreed to end this piece somewhat sadistically and to write a fic called Kouhai's Triangle after this is over. The "end" (although you really don't have to read it and would proly enjoy more w/o actually doing so) will be up in a few days, proly after Top Model on Wednesday. And the other story is kind of like how this one would have gone if Fuji had had more of a controlling interest in the "end." It will also have three alternate endings. It is very difficult to explain. I'll get to writing it once I've recovered from school and unpacked.

If you don't understand why it was that Kaidoh's answer was correct, or just want to make sure that you got it, check the profile.


	5. Fuji Interruptus

A/N: Natasha lost... I don't know what to do anymore. I'd have been fine with "Nene", if, you know, she could ever completely drop being a bitch to Natasha, but Drag Queen Jaslene, the "girl" with a big heart who was nothing but ever so cruel to dear Nata? What is wrong with the world. This is just as bad as when Shandy lost, and Michelle, and ...

I have finished everything for both Englishes and Psych, I'm gonna write my Jap paper tonight and do my Calc test tomorrow and then I am out. How exactly does one frolic?

This is actually more of a teaser for the story I plan on writing next. Just out of curiosity, do you think I should continue this one? If so, I'll give it some thought and try to extend the plot if you want and start writng for it after I finish my next one.

Disclaimer: I neither own this nor do I have any control over Top Model winners, obviously.

Warning: This will be completely... I don't think there's a word for it. Read at your own risk.

* * *

Chapter 5: Fuji-Interruptus

Fuji is evil and a first-class sadist. He didn't bother trying to deny it and he was obviously not very good at hiding it. So he embraced it and all the puppy kicking it entailed. But kicking puppies just didn't bring the same level of satisfaction to his life as messing with his teammates. Especially his precious kouhai-tachi, and now that Tezuka was out of the way he could finally make his move.

It wasn't particularly difficult manipulating Inui into setting up a cycle of stalkers for Ryoma, but Ryoma's method of dealing with the situation was a brand new twist. Of course this inevitably added it's own complications, a lot of unnecessary waste started to gather around Ryoma by some kinetic force akin to gravity.

He was there watching Ryoma the entire time to make sure that no one could interfere with his plans.

First came Eiji, for whatever reason he found plausible to be participating in this. Fuji thought that the way Echizen dealt with this, a particularly impressive display of directed insanity, was spectacular. He was also more than a little jealous, but he wasn't quite ready to admit to that just yet.

Then Kabaji... Fuji didn't know what to make of that one. He didn't think Kabaji himself knew just what his puprose was in all of this. Yet again there was no need to get involved in this one.

Now Akutsu, Akutsu was a problem. He couldn't be dealt with in just any way. Akutsu's answer to problems was force. Direct, honest force. And the best way to stop an unstoppable force is to have it come in direct contact with a force of equal or greater opposing value. Fortunately for Fuji, Taka's restaurant was nearby and wouldn't you know he just happened to have a racket with him. Talk about lucky circumstances, especially considering this dealt with two problems in one go. The cute schizoid took care of the sociopath and no one was any the wiser.

Atobe. Fuji couldn't hold back from laughing when he thought of how that one went down. Choutarou was definitely getting more of his attention from now on, and possibly a gift of some variety.

Yukimura... Fuji _hates_ Yukimura. He was as close to a twin as Fuji could get and he was not happy about it. They were too similar and dealing with him directly would have been impossible. Seiichi would have sensed his hand in play the moment he made a move against him. So, as much as he hated to do anything beneficial for his rival, he used a Sanada shaped weapon to beat him off his dear Kouhai.

Now that all outside problems had been dealt with, Fuji was now free to focus his energies at home.

Inui's penchant for research was bound to be his own undoing and there was no need to get involved with that one, while Tezuka's complete and utter lack of interpersonal skills would just as easily seal his fate. The only ones left to deal with now were the one's he'd originallly wanted to play with.

Fuji was a collector of things. He liked cactus because they were so purely sadistic. To survive in the desert animals had to deal with the thorns. But his bigger hobby, his true passion, was collecting people. They were fun to display and do peculiar things with and at the end of the day you could put them back on the shelf, maybe a little more worn than when they came off, but still more or less intact.

The problem was that Fuji didn't know how to advance the game at this stage. Ryoma's contest, while an amusing twist to such a stimulating pastime, left him without very many options. He could eliminate the dross but where to go from there? He didn't know the answer, he was willing to admit it, and even if he had, how could he relay it to the two remaining contestants without them catching on? Sadly, irritatingly, he knew that things were no longer in his hands for the time being and he had to hope that either Kaidoh or Momo would be able to move everything forward. Obviously he was not best pleased. If they failed to get it the game wouldn't advance and, while fun, the concept itself will have been more a waste of time than anything else. If they did get it, then they were able to figure out something that he couldn't. He didn't like losing situations or losing in general and no matter what happened he'd have to deal with one or the other.

That's why he wasn't sure whether to be happy or upset when Kaidoh proved capable of providing the true answer. Fuji wasn't entirely sure just yet why it was the correct one, but apparently it was what Ryoma was looking for and that's all that matters.

His next dilemma was quickly catching up with him. It can't just end this simply. But even being provided with the correct answer he had no idea how to implement it in such way that Momo might also be able to benefit from it. He knew that if Momo provided the correct answer as well he could put his next plan into action because Ryoma would be forced to come up with some deciding contest between the two.

He was still trying to puzzle out a way to put this new information into use when he noticed Momo aproaching Ryoma and Kaidoh and cursed under his breath. He just better hope he had the luck of the devil.

* * *

"Oi, Echizen! You wanna get burgers and talk?" Momo shouted out as he approached the much shorter tennis prodidy. It was then that he noticed that Ryoma and Kaidoh were near each other and Ryoma wasn't baiting the Snake and Kaidoh wasn't hissing. Confused, and feeling slightly uneasy, he addressed his riavl. "Mamushi, crawled out from under your rock to get some sun, eh?"

Kaidoh ignored him.

This is unnatural.

Kaidoh doesn't ignore him. Threatens him with bodily harm maybe, calls him a bastard, but he's never just flat out ignored him before. Something was up and it involved the freshman.

Now in much the same way that Ryoma tries to come off as oblivious, Momo comes off as something of a blockhead. And while Ryoma was very bad at math, Momo was no slouch. He added the facts together and the bottom dropped out of his mouth. "Don't tell me that Mamushi answered it correctly! But I didn't even get a chance.," he whined.

"You snooze you lose, Momo-snepai."

"Look who's talkin' about snoozin'." Ryoma tried to look offended but it just wasn't happening. "But Echizen-"

Kaidoh just hissed and grabbed the freshman and started walking away.

* * *

Meanwhile, from a convenient hideaway.

"Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap. Momo if you fuck this up I'm gonna kill you."

* * *

As Ryoma was being dragged off Momo had the sense of unknown self-preservation to shout out. 'Ryoma I love you! That's all there is to it!"

Have you ever experienced one of those moments when the world just feels like it's been coated in molasses and everything just moves in slow motion. Ryoma's and Kaidoh's expressions would have been forever burned into Fuji's memory if he'd been coherent enough to register anything. Kaidoh looked like he had sufferedsevere and immediate renal failure while Ecihzen's, initally as surprised as Kaidoh's, slowly but ever so surely transformed into a smirk. Each syllable of his "Mada made dane senpai" to Kaidoh was clear as a bell and spent a good five minutes shimmering in the air before reaching Kaidoh's ears and everything jumped back into normal speed.

Echizen didn't know what to do now. He hadn't anticpated anyone managing to get it right and here he was now with two correct confessions on his hands. Luckily he wouldn't have to think of anything as Fuji took this moment to revive and say, "I think I've got the solution to your problem Echizen." And all three kouhai fainted dead away.

* * *

A/N: Well that was fun and it took me less than two hours to do! Now to relax before I tackle my next paper. Looking forward to your opions. Ja ne! 


	6. Rude Awakenings

A/N: I'm sorry that this update is a little later than normal, but there was a birthin' in the burrow and I've got all these damn little plot bunnies of the left, right, and not-quite-center variety to deal with. I had to sketch them out and put them on hold so I could finish this first, or at least not deal with them until later.

One is about what is actually written in all of those little notebooks of Inui's. Another is inspired by, I think, episode 67 of Bleach where Ichigo demands that Renji take off his clothes and when Renji responds with the expected "WTF I'm not taking off my clothes!" tackles him to the ground and tries to remove them by force when the entire class storms out to see Ichigo straddling Renji in the middle of the hall. I wasn't able to concentrate for hours because of that. Oh dear, and that's just the tip of the damn iceberg.

I also haven't been getting any sleep lately. Two days ago I was napping on the living room floor, because it was the coolest place in the house, when I was rudely awakened by a 12 pound half-himalayan/half-persian ball of fluff rolling off the fish tank to land on top of me, claws first. And yesterday I was napping on the couch, oddly enough having a dream involving the aforementioned Renji, when I heard a greatly distant and muffled "Do you ... pizza?" At first I was confused. I was like "Renji there is no pizza" when the comment came again this time a little clearer ("Do you wanna cut the pizza?" My little brother is so bloody helpless and he's like 15) and I was able to reply, couch-faced, "Die shounen..." which came out more like "Dish noun" which, while accurate, really had nothing to do with anything. ... Oh look another birth... I hate it when I inspire myself.

Disclaimer: Everybody needs somebody sometime...

Warning: I'm obviously in one of those rambling moods today. And I'm kidding about the night clubs... probably.

* * *

Chapter 6: Rude Awakenings

This wasn't quite what Fuji had expected. He nudged each of their prone bodies a few times but there just wasn't any sign of, well, life, unless you counted that whole breathing and retaining a pulse thing. Pokepoke. Pokepoke. Fuji sighed to himself and considered his options. He could strip them naked, and leave them in a sweaty pile, and then go grab Shiba, and have her take a few thousands polaroids of the situation. He could see the headlines now: "Seigaku's Star Freshman the Sex Kitten," "Seigaku's Newest Training Methods, Naked" that kind of thing. He couldn't do that, though. Not because of any kind of morality, don't get him wrong, it just wouldn't be as ultimately enjoyable as what he had planned for now.

So he more or less resigned himself to waiting after he'd moved a few things around. He was pretty sure that Kaidoh awakening to ... oh look here it comes.

Kaidoh had a headache. He also had a mouthful of top soil and what was probably an ant about to perform an expedition up his nose, but what immediately registered his attention upon waking was a slight pressure coming from the area of his backside. Secretly hoping to find Ryoma fondling his ass, unconcious or otherwise, he turned and froze before lashing out and punching Momoshiro right on top of the head with a "Baka Momo!"

It's been mentioned that Momo comes off as a blockhead. It has also been mentioned that this isn't from any general lack of intelligence. Ergo Momo earned his nickname because...

Kaidoh would have done well to keep that "because" in mind. It might have saved him from nursing several bruised knuckles. It also left Fuji wondering how Kaidoh would have responded if it had been, say, Momo's face instead of his hand on Kaidoh's ass.

Momo, also sporting a mouthful of turf, and now what promised to be a a spectacular lump for phrenological studies, awoke mildly cross-eyed and very pissed off. "What the hell is your problem Mamushi!" Honestly. Hitting a guy who's been having a nap. So low.

Kaidoh, well aware that what had happened was almost definitely accidental, and therefore very wrong since Fuji was definitely responsible, wasn't going to apologize for what he'd done in any case. Instead he resorted to his old standby of the hiss and glare, which is also, although not particularly relevent to the plot, part of an up-and-coming dance style in some of Germany's kinkier night clubs. "What'd you say?!"

Momo, choosing to employ the more elementary schoolyard tactics of annoyance, responded with "Mamushi, Mamushi, Mamushi!" getting right up in Kaidoh's face to do it. They were now forehead to forehead, sort of like dueling stags, and gritting their teeth as each battled for dominance whilst growling, hissing, and name-calling for all they were worth.

Ryoma, the would-be doe in all of this, or in some Animal Planet specials the would-be buck, who had always seen himself as more of a cat either way, was not in the mood to deal with their power struggle right at the moment. Therefore his solution to the argument was to simply slap both of them on the back of the head at the same time and mutter "Baka Senpai-tachi." They were lucky that their foreheads were pressed together or they might have suffered from another blackout as their heads collided.

"Why is everyone hitting me on the head today?" Momo whined as he pouted at the world in general. The world's reply was relative indifference.

Kaidoh, not wishing for another slap to the head, merely contented himself to a hiss without saying anything.

Fuji, not wishing for a repeat of earlier, although he could always arrange it so that Momo was the one to wake up with Kaidoh being somehow involved with his bum and enjoy, more-or-less, a repetition of what had just occurred, approached them from so out in the open he might as well have been descending from the sky (which would have caused quite the uproar probably, so it was just as well he couldn't do that) making sure they knew he was coming.

Momo was mildly curious as to why Fuji was there, but was too occupied with his head and the world to give it much thought. Kaidoh and Ryoma on the other hand both tensed as Fuji approached and just knew that their mutual senpai had something in mind. And that something was most probably them, and definitely not going to be pleasant.

"Now, now is that anyway to greet a senpai or a friend," Fuji asked lightly drawing Momo's now-suspicious gaze to him as well. He sighed again. He really needed to shake up his image if it was that obvious that he was on the prowl for some amusement. That or start focussing his energies outside of the home more. "I couldn't help but overhear what you were saying before you passed out." Fuji provided with a smile and all three drew a little closer together and a little further away from Fuji. He was going to start to twitch, he just knew it. He was merely trying to be helpful after all! "And I think I know how you can solve this little dilemna your experiencing, if you'd like to listen to my idea."

Ryoma was sure that Fuji couldn't help but overhear their conversation. After all, it is hard not to overhear a conversation if your several feet away and hiding in the bushes. But against all better judgement he was intrigued. After all, if he didn't like the plan he could always refuse, couldn't he? If he'd bothered voicing this question outloud he would have been met by two automatic and emphatic "Nos!" from both Kaidoh and Momo because they'd known Fuji for a lot longer and they also knew that whatever he had in mind, once it was voiced, it _would_ happen one way or the other. Even if it wasn't, it was still fairly likely to occur, but at least they had a fighting chance out of that one. That was why both Kaidoh and Momo froze to the spot with their minds screaming at them to run when Ryoma hesitantly nodded his head.

* * *

A/N: Kinda short I know and I apologize. I'll make the next one longer to make up for it. I'm a little blocked, however, because the plan I originally had Fuji concocting isn't going to work anymore with the new and improved extended vague notion of plot I have working for me. So I'd love to hear some suggestions on what kind of horrifying experiences he could put them through.

I should also inform you about my updating schedule. I'm a once-a-weeker kind of person. Mind you my weeks have been known to last from 4 to 11 days so keep that in mind. If you haven't heard from me at all after 11 days you can assume something unexpected has come up and is delaying me. If that happens I'll make it up to you, I swear. I'll probably start experiencing a rash of 2 to 3 days weeks for example. I think a beta might also be kind of handy to bitchslap me into something resembling a normal writing schedule, and to you know chaeck my work and offer opinions on plot and all that other stuff. So if you know somebody...

And lastly, I am a horrible person. I never get around to responding to reviews and I'm just about the worst person in the world for not doing so. However, you can trust me when I say that they not only encourage to write more often and better, but they are also greatly appreciated. Never have any doubt of that. So I'd like to thank all of those who have read and reviewed, especially those who have done so faithfully, and would like them to know that I greatly, greatly, greatly appreciate those comments and the fact that you actually took the time to submit them. I am humbled and very proud. However ironic that may sound.


	7. Kouhai's Triangle

A/N: A few points of business ... I thought it would be a nice change of pace.

First of all everyone say hi to my wonderful new beta Saxor.

Secondly, the tub idea sprang from this article I read online about this milllion dollar bathtub that was stolen from the tenth floor of a hotel in Japan. It just felt too good to pass up. And it fell together nicely with what was orginally going to be a separate story so yeah to divine provenance or suttin'. Or maybe it's just to weird and very capable bath thieves.

And lastly, the, uh, imitation lime (limetation? let's go with that) it's my first time writing something like that so, uh, yeah, tell me what you think. The limetation is not actually happening, i just thought I'd clear that up. Fuji's just a pig really.

F-D: (sarcastically) Much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I had nothing to do with the theft of any bathtub.

Warning: Limetation, debauchery, theft, I really went all out ...

* * *

Chapter 7: Kouhai's Triangle

Ryoma wasn't exactly sure how it had happened. He was almost positive he had said no to Fuji-senpai's idea, but here he was, covered by nothing but a towel as the tensai pushed him steadily towards the tub.

"C'mon now, Ryoma. You agreed to this after all," Fuji grinned brightly. Ryoma was about to deny this heatedly but Fuji cut him off. "See? The other two are already here. Don't be difficult," he grunted as he attempted to push Echizen the rest of the way towards part one of his plan.

That much at least was true. Kaidoh and Momo were each in a corner of the tub and facing in opposite directions, blushing madly and trying not to obviously peek at Ryoma, while Fuji attempted to push him towards the final free section of the unusual triangular tub.

"Ano, Fuji-senpai," Ryoma gritted out as he leaned back to further dig his heels into the ground, "Where exactly did you find this tub? And what the hell is this going to prove?"

"Now, now, there's no need for such needless questions, saa?" Fuji laughed lightly as he began to skid Ryoma across the floor. "I assure you I did nothing inappropriate in gaining access to this tub…" '…There are no laws when it comes to love, right?' Fuji finished in his head. "And I'll tell you the rest...once...you...get…in…that...tub!" With a final push he had Ryoma going up and over the side of the monstrosity and into the water with a splutter.

Hurriedly snatching at his towel to make sure that it didn't float away, Ryoma settled for a glare while wishing he had his cap to hide his face under.

"Everyone comfortable?" Fuji asked sweetly as he stood back and to the left of Ryoma to explain the rest of his master plan. "You see this tub has a…unusual history."

'Like how it got here in the first place.' Ryoma thought murderously as he pictured all sorts of ways a person can be killed in the tub with it looking like an accident.

Fuji waited for them to ask the obligatory: An unusual history Fuji-senpai? What do you mean?

Which apparently wasn't going to happen. Ryoma was too distracted by the contemplation of homicide, while the other two were equally distracted by Ryoma's presence. Fuji was a little irritated, but all in all this worked out rather well for what he intended to have happen. Sighing a little he continued his narrative, "You see this tub has the ability to determine your ideal mate. At least if you're a man," Fuji mused. "I can't see how it would work for a woman specifically. Hmmm..." Seeing that he now had their attention, he decided to make them pay for not indulging him earlier. He would just stand there and wait until one of them cracked – probably Momo – and ask.

He didn't have to wait for long. "So, uh, how is it supposed to work Fuji-senpai?" Momo asked eagerly.

"Ah, are you really curious Momo-chin?" Fuji asked cutely, borrowing Eiji's form of address for him. Momo nodded brightly and he caught Kaidoh watching carefully from the corner of his eye. Kaidoh's superstitious nature was going to pay off for once, Fuji decided. He had no idea what Ryoma was thinking. Which was probably a good thing all in all. No one deserved to see their own death through a beloved pupil's eyes. Of course, Ryoma is capable of multi-tasking and was listening very intently as well. "Do any of you know what a dowsing rod is?" Fuji's oh-so-sadistic smirk was beginning to form on his face.

Momo shook his head and Ryoma didn't bother to respond. He felt no need to display his ignorance.

"Isn't it some kind of stick that's supposed to have the ability to lead people to water?"

"Correct, Kaoru-chan!" Fuji approved enthusiastically, earning a glare, and a slight blush, from the viper. "That's exactly what it is."

Another pause. Ryoma sighed, cottoning on to Fuji's need to draw everything out. "I fail to see the relevance Fuji-senpai."

Fuji's smile was full-blown and Ryoma could feel it like the business end of a magnum pressed to the back of his skull. "It's really quite simple Ryo-koi," Fuji laughed, as he felt the immediate increase of killing intent in the room. "If it guides you to the left, you're with Kaidoh. If it guides you to the right, you get Momo."

There was a slight pause before Ryoma gave up on thoughts of homicide and attempted a very graceful suicide by means of submersion. The other two took a little longer to work it out, watching as Fuji lifted Ryoma's head out of the water, before they too fully grasped his meaning and turned matching shades of crimson straight down to the water's edge. Momo recovered first, and for whatever reason, felt the need to be practical.

"What if he's already of a certain bent?" Momo asked with a big, uncomfortable grin, blushing mildly at the very bad pun.

"It's straight!" Ryoma snapped. Poor Kaidoh just wasn't built for overloads of blood rushing to his face like this. He was going to burst something if this didn't stop.

"Well if that was the only concern I think I'll just be on my way." 'On my way to watch this from the control room,' Fuji cackled internally.

What his precious Kouhai-tachi didn't know was that earlier on he had hid a large amount of very sophisticated recording equipment around the room disguised as decorative ornamentation. They were even hidden away in some of the tubs fixtures. Now he just had to sneak off to wait and watch for what he imagined would be a very special intimate experience.

_(Perverted Fuji-dom)_

After Fuji had vacated the room the air in there became heavy and hard to breathe. The atmosphere was filling with tension and desire and the realization that none of them were wearing clothes. Momo and Kaidoh, moving two as one in perfect synchronicity, flanked Ryoma. Momo wrapped his hands around his kouhai's waist and lifted him out of the water up to his navel. Ryoma inhaled sharply as exposure to the cool air affected him and water cascaded off the back of his head as he thrust it back sharply. Momo, never one to waste an opportunity, especially one as good as this, moved his mouth down to the base of Ryoma's exposed neck and bit, hard, eliciting another gasp from the freshman. As Momo tended to the prodigy's injury with a caressing tongue, Kaidoh began to trail kisses down Ryoma's torso, starting on the other side of his neck, until he reached his kouhai's navel. He dipped his tongue into the tiny depression, enjoying the way it made Ryoma squirm, and began to swirl it around watching Ryoma's moves become more frantic as he became lost in the sheer ecstasy of what he was experiencing. The freshman was quickly becoming more audible as he thrust into his senpai's touches as both Momo and Kaidoh shared a look. With a nod Momo began to lift the freshman further out the water as they both crouched down lower to –

"Fuji-senpai!" And just like that Fuji was jerked back to reality and was more than a little miffed about the entire thing.

"Yes, Ryoma?" He asked trying to retain his patience as he fazed back into then present to face the freshman. Fuji was going to end up with a brand new facial tic because of this he just knew it. "Why are you dressed? Do you know how difficult it was to get a hold of this tub! The co –" He cut off just in time to be spared self-incrimination.

"'The 'co' what Fuji-senpai?" Ryoma asked dangerously.

"The coldest thing I've ever seen! That's what this is!" 'Good save Fujiko. Good save,' he congratulated himself. "I try to help you and this is how you repay me," he shook his head sadly.

Apparently guilt wasn't going to prove to be particularly effective. Not against Ryoma. The other two looked mildly embarrassed but that could have been from anything, really. "I'm happy that you want to help Fuji-senpai –"

'He doesn't sound happy at all!'

"– But we'll take care of this on our own. Ja ne."

"No! Wait, Ryoma!" He called out desperately. "One bad idea and you're ready to disregard all of my other ones. Trust me," he said reassuringly, familiar smile back in place, "This was just the beginning." Ryoma shook his head and tried to back away but ended up knocking into Momo and Kaidoh behind him and they all fell together to the floor. Fuji helped Ryoma to his feet and threw a conspiratorial arm around his shoulders. "Now you see, my other plan was..." He leaned down to whisper into the freshman's ears. If Momo and Kaidoh had been anyone else, or maybe even with anyone else, they would have fallen into each other's arms at that moment, balling in terror.

* * *

A/N: My parent's left at midnight to drive three hours to go to the casino. I am bemused. And starting this tuesday I get to have my wisdom teeth pulled one at a time for the next month of tuesdays. Chances are one of my chapters will be written under the influence of pain-killers and would probably be very drooly if it were on paper. 


	8. Whine Country or Revenge of the Kouhai

A/N: I'm sorry this is so late, but please let me explain. I've been really off my schedule lately because of the extractions I've had to get done. You see, on a normal day I go to bed around 9 or 10 in the morning and sleep through the worst parts of the day until dinner (depending on how lazy I feel I sometimes nap afterwards too) and then at night I watch suttin'/read until two or so in the morning and then I get to typing. So in order to fit the pullings into my normal schedule I set up appointments for 9 a.m. Apparently my teeth are abnormally easy to remove, "the smallest roots he's ever seen," (He used delicate once too. I think I was a little offended.) Which is good, since I'm only in there for 10 or 15 mins before I leave and get home for around 10 (a.k.a. bedtime). I didn't take into account, however, the bleeding. I don't know but it's seems to be rather difficult to sleep with a mouth that likes to fill itself with blood. And so to distract myself until it stops I start playing games.

**Bad Idea**.

See once I'm into suttin', I'm into it. For example, I watched all of the PoT's and the movie in a two month span while still at college and writing papers, going to class, and other stuff. Or like the time I got the first three Robert Jordan's and stayed up three days straight and read the second half of the first book, the entire second book, and the first half of the third before passing out on top of it. The book has a big crack down the spine because of me. And now because of my obsessive personality and dental work my schedule is completely screwy and I promise to try to make it up to you after everything gets back to normal.

Disclaimer: Whew... I think I'm out of breath from all that. No I do not talk to myself when I type! ... not _too_ much anyway...

Warning: Grape arbors spring from nowhere. It's just one of those things I've come to accept from life. And hey, this chapter has been injected with some real live plot!

* * *

Chapter 8: 'Whine Country' or 'Revenge of the Kouhai'

Ryoma was hiding under the grape arbor. Do not ask why there was a grape arbor. These kinds of things should not be questioned. 'Hmm, this reminds me of the time the old man took us to Napa. I was hiding under grape arbors then, too.' He shuddered as he recalled a horrifying scene between his father and mother, after having drunk too much in celebration of their 15th anniversary, of seeing if babies didn't just come from cabbage patches. His father also kept trying to set him up with girls on that trip. And then there was that time in the tour group... Ryoma began to look like he was going into convulsions. He spent a lot of time under grape arbors during that trip. They provide a nice sense of security along with a good snack and, if you have the time for it, grape juice of the fermented variety. Of course, every time he'd hidden in one before he'd been alone...

Ryoma and his two senpai were hiding from yet another one of Fuji's horrifying schemes. There had been a demented version of that pick a date game where a contestant had to interview three possible mates to see which one he wanted to go out with. He'd ended up choosing Karupin whom Fuji had taken it upon himself to translate for. The surprise of all surprises was that the game turned out to be rigged. After all, Fuji was also the host and had access to everyone's answers. Why he wanted the Himalayan to win was anyone's guess. Kaidoh seemed pretty happy that the cat was there though...

Then there was the karaoke. There are no words to describe... It was just so... It could possibly have been... It was just bad. The reasoning behind this one was that if you could create harmony together than that person was said to be a good match for you. This sounds perfectly maudlin and harmless until you actually had to perform. Ryoma could sing. In fact Ryoma is a very good singer. The other two, however... If that myth turns out to be true they'd be alone for the rest of their lives. Momo was just tone deaf, whereas Kaidoh ... Kaidoh just seemed physically incapable of song. Sorta like those people who can't whistle. His throat just didn't work that way apparently.

After a while Ryoma began to wonder about Fuji's real motives. Sometimes he seemed to be pushing for something very _physical_ that Ryoma had no interest in indulging in anytime soon. Particularly not within reach of the tensai. Other times, such as right now, when they all had to dress up in drag (He still didn't quite get how he was convinced to do this one or what Fuji said the relative merit in doing so was) he got the feeling that Fuji was reveling in the more sadistic aspects of his nature, i.e. all of them. Needless to say, they and their high heels booked it out of there.

Ryoma glanced back at his senpai-tachi and the only things preventing him from laughing were:

Fear of attracting the tensai's attention should he be nearby.

The budding realization that he probably looked just as bad as they did.

It was a hot day today and running under that sun in full length, cotillion-type dresses did nothing to improve their attractiveness. The sweat which had pooled off of their foreheads and into their eyes had caused their mascara and eyeliner to run, the case being no further helped by unconscious gestures such as rubbing the back of their gloved arms across their eyes and smearing the makeup horribly. At least Fuji applications hadn't been too heavy. Actually it was disturbingly well-balanced and designed to bring the best of their features into light. Who knew Fuji was a makeup artist, or why for that matter.

Ryoma looked down at himself and sure enough this dress was going to have to be burned even if that hadn't already been the plan. No dry cleaner in the world was good enough to work out the stains on his dark green garb. He began to absentmindedly pick at the lace as he evaluated the other two. Kaidoh was rather striking in a black dress with a severe but stimulating diagonal cut to it at about mid thigh with a strapless top. (Fuji had had them all shaved prior to being dressed and had suggested that now they could try out for the swim team too. They were not amused. Particularly Ryoma, who was missing some of the signs that indicated he was finally entering into adulthood.) Momo on the other hand was a hopeless case. He just wasn't a pretty girl, violet eyes or otherwise. His dress was stunning and the same color as his eyes with straps that crossed several times in the back and a fishtail bottom (Ryoma knew that term because of his secret love of Project Runway which no one could ever learn about) but you just couldn't get over the fact that he looked like a man in a dress. Even with the hair extensions.

Ryoma pursed his painted lips together as he pondered their circumstances. He was calculating how long the food (grapes and bugs if you were into high-protein dieting) could last them, even with someone of Momo's glutinous appetite for company, before they had to move on, when he was distracted by the aroma of his senpai-tachi. It was the mixed scents of sweat and melted deodorant. It was a very heady almost sweet smell. It was very nice. He breathed deeply through his nose a few more time before shaking his head to clear it and decided to open up the channels of communication.

"Fuji has got to be stopped," he declared coldly, in the tone of one going out to slay that dragon and knowing it will probably end very badly and extra crispy, snapping the other two out of their reveries.

"No, really?" Momo sure is snarky in a dress Ryoma decided.

"What can we do about him though?" Kaidoh's still as practical as ever.

"How about we do to him what he's been trying to do with me?" Ryoma had thought about this a lot and believed this to be the most suitable punishment and effective method for getting Fuji off his back and nice and distracted.

"You mean fix him up." It came out as a statement but had the pressure of a question.

"'Zactly."

"Who do you hate enough to do that to?" Well at least Kaidoh was starting to warm up and reveal his dry sense of humor.

"I thought we could pool together our knowledge and come up with a few suitable candidates who have a personal interest in him."

They each racked their memories as they thought of every tennis player who had shown more than a professional interest in Fuji. The pool was rather small but it was the best, and only, one they had to pull from. After all, they didn't know much of Fuji's life beyond tennis, sadism, and a younger brother with a mysterious scar.

"Mm," Ryoma and Momo turned to Kaidoh expectantly. "There was that player from Rokkaku. He was friends with him when they were younger and they were paired up at the Senbatsu. They managed to beat Inui-senpai and Yanagi-senpai."

"Saeki?" Momo supplied and Kaidoh nodded curtly in agreement. "There's also Tachibana from Fudomine." Momo pointed out helpfully. "Fuji-senpai had been to see him at the hospital a couple of times and he did use his grip tape against Kirihara from Rikkaidai. I think Ann might have said something about Tachibana having an interest in Fuji too but I wasn't really listening..."

Ryoma nodded thoughtfully. "And of course there is always Kawamura-senpai." He now remembered where he'd seen that racket before. That one racket Taka had in his hand, when he had attacked Akutsu. Kaidoh and Momo were looking at him in shock, skeptical of this one. Ryoma sighed, hating having to explain his reasoning. "Fuji-senpai used Kawamura-senpai's racket against Jirou from Hyotei after his match against that Kabaji monster. He also receives the least amount of torture from the tensai and his smile isn't nearly so evil when it's directed at Kawamura-senpai."

"Kawamura-senpai also calls him Fujiko-chan, the only one other than Eiji who can get away with that," Momo added, exchanging a thoughtful expression with Kaidoh. "But I thought he had a thing for you. Wasn't he one of your many stalkers?" Momo teased, feeling mildly possessive all the same.

Ryoma tilted his head back thoughtfully, his carefully coiffed hair falling off his face. "Hmm, I wonder…" Momo and Kaidoh exchanged another glance before realizing what they were doing and scowling.

"So which do we go for?"

Kaidoh answered him. "First we need to gather more accurate information on the situation before we can move ahead with anything."

"You spend too much time with Inui-senpai, Mamushi," Momo declared in an off-handed manner making the viper hiss in annoyance.

"At least I know to use my head before I go rushing into things!"

"Why don't you just get the information from Inui himself? It should be _real_ easy for you," Momo snarled back making Kaidoh blush in both anger and embarrassment.

"And just what is that supposed to mean baka!?"

"It means exactly what it sounds like. Even the freshmen know he wants in your pants," Momo smirked triumphantly.

If it were at all possible Kaidoh turned an even deeper shade of red and was about to shoot something back when he was cut off by Ryoma. "Knock it off you two! Can't you call a truce until we've taken care of the Fuji situation?" Momo joined Kaidoh in his blush and they both murmured apologies to each other. "Now that that's taken care of," Ryoma replied tiredly, "I think Kaidoh is right. We need more information before we can move forward. So we're each going to find out what we can about our guys and take a deeper look into Fuji's interests," he began to shudder at both the name and the implications. "And once we've found out what we need to know, we strike." At this the other two nodded and the beginning of the operation was set in motion. Operation: Kouhai's Revenge.

* * *

A/N: You know I have this sixth sense when it comes to phone calls. I don't know how but I always know when I'm about to receive a call. So it was four in the morning and I was looking at my phone because I'd just gotten that nagging feeling. This, of course, didn't prevent me from flinging it upward in fright when it rang because I had the volume all the way up. Thank goodness it's such a sturdy and compact piece of machinery. Needless to say I yelled at Rommel (nickname for my best friend that I haven't bothered to inform her of, when she finds out and asks why I'll say suttin' along the lines of "because you _are_ the desert fox" to which she will beat me up. It's not my fault her initials are RML and her brother has a war fetish.) 


	9. Know Thy Enemy

**A/N: Well finally they have finished interrogating my jaw and apparently found it lacking, or left it that way anyway. The third was by far the most amusing. The roots broke off so they cut into my gum line, drilled through a section of bone, and then ripped it from my jaw. There is not enough Novocain in the world to cover up that. And he didn't even have the decency to prescribe me painkillers. How rude. He's the take two aspirin and call me in the morning type, y'know? Bottom wisdom teeth are by the worst to get removed. Avoid if at all possible. The last one bled more than the other three combined and he made some odd comment when putting my sutures in. Suttin about not being able to open my jaw as much as usual and not to be concerned. Hmm...**

**My next fic has to be about Orihime. I don't know what it is going to encompass but she will be the star. I can't help it.**

**Warning: I wrote this entire thing while listening to "Read My Mind" by The Killers. I also wrote a poem and worked quite a bit on my novel as well. Inspirations particles are so very peculiar. Too much Terry Pratchett (10 books in 10 nights) **

**Disclaimer: The only thing I own at the moment are a pair of obscenely expensive glasses and a new necklace made out of my teeth. Not quite measuring up is it?**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Know Thy Enemy**

**Choutarou had evolved after a fashion. It wasn't one of those crawl out of the sea and grow legs deals. After all he had a perfectly respectable pair of legs already as it was. No he had developed what is known in the tennis world as the tensai personality. All smiles and softness as you dangled your toys over a pit. And it was because of this that he was entertaining such an interesting pair of individuals. Made even more so by the fact that they hadn't tried to smile each other into oblivion yet. This was simply because Yukimura and Fuji were too busy sounding out the silver-haired boy before deciding how to handle the new player. After all chess and tennis are never supposed to consist of an odd number of players. The whole rulebook might have to be rewritten.**

**Choutarou was amused by the choice of location. Fuji had only suggested it, in that very special form of suggestion peculiar to the counter-player, but he personally had no problem with it. After all, it was the site where everything had started. An amusing little teashop that would probably still be sporting two very shocked and "statue"-esque persons if he hadn't had them collected.**

**Tea was such a handy conversational tactic. There were things to hold and stir, you could hide your face from view with the cup, and you could always pretend to have missed a comment while taking a sip or breathing in the aroma. And if worse came to worst it was generally served very hot and a face full of scalding liquid would slow most pursuit. Things would never reach that point of course. It simply wasn't civilized, but it's always nice to know your options.**

**Choutarou completed adding a generous dollop of honey to his cup and began idly stirring his tea as he waited for one of the others to speak first. On most other occasions he'd have been waiting a very long time, perhaps until the next one of these little tête-à-têtes, but he had a slight advantage at the moment and it's the kind of card that can only be played once. He was the new player and neither of the other were going to let him play around too much, not without passing the proper examinations.**

**They were both looking at him expectantly, with benignly curious expressions that were anything but. He responded with a light smile as he brought his cup to his lips and lifted both eyebrows delicately. Oh yes, it was that kind of conversation. The kind where everything would be delicate and polite and perfectly non-threatening, and, like so many other like things, inherently dangerous. These boys could teach fifty-ish society women the art of being politely pointed, like brooches with poisoned needles.**

**Not to his surprise Fuji smiled slightly wider at his action and that, if nothing else, told Choutarou to tread carefully. He carefully assessed Yukimura out of the corner of his eye as he took a sip. Surprisingly, Yukimura seemed content to sit back and let Fuji direct the conversation. Perhaps his relationship with Sanada was making him soft. 'Or perhaps,' he added to himself as his attention drifted back to Fuji, 'it was something else altogether.' He gently lowered the cup to the table and folded his hands in front of him on the table.**

"**Choutarou-san..." Fuji began before pausing as something seemed to occur to him. "You know that's really too formal for right now, wouldn't you agree?"**

**Choutarou "hmm"ed his response which could be taken any way you wanted it to, without saying anything at all. Fuji was amused by how far the boy had progressed. "I agree Fujiko-chan," Yukimura noted with a slight smile the look that barely flickered across Fuji's mask, "After all we are all friends here, aren't we? Joined together in our mutual love of tennis." The slight pause before tennis would have gone unnoticed by anyone overhearing the conversation but suggested volumes to those involved in it. 'Isn't that correct, Chou-chan?"**

"**Oh now I don't think that will work," Fuji interrupted seamlessly as he took a sip from his cup to mask a slight smile. "It's not much of a nickname after all, Yuki-chin." If this had been a different sort of crowd, now would be the time you heard a pistol being cocked from under the table. But these were civilized chatters, and nothing as direct as a gun would be suitable. It was too honest for one thing.**

"**You are quite right Syuusuke, I seem to have forgotten myself," Yukimura bowed his head slightly in Fuji's direction**

"**It's understandable that you're not quite up to par yet after all that time in the hospital. I'm sure all those old reflexes will kick in any time now." They both exchanged a smile and Choutarou raised his cup to his lips, flimsy barrier that it was. 'Hmm,' he reminded himself. 'There is always the last resort.' **

**Yukimura, smile still in place, ventured a second attempt. "I don't suppose Chouchou-chan recommends itself any better." Choutarou blushed very slightly at that one. It was good he had a cup to hide that from view. Fuji's smile was very worrisome indeed. Choutarou had time for a quick 'Oh dear' before Fuji opened his mouth.**

"**Hmm, you know that's not too bad, but if I may make a suggestion?" Yukimura waved him ahead, clearly amused in advance. "That sounds like something adorable little children in the States call choo-choo trains," Choutarou had enough foresight at this point to change his 'Oh dear' into an 'Oh God' and a very quick, quiet, and, above all, desperate prayer, "Doesn't it, Chu-chan?"**

**It should be pointed out now that God has a very horrible sense of humor. And that while teacups are very handy they also aren't very big and it would have taken a large one indeed to hide Choutarou's blush now, but he rallied magnificently. "I'm sure you'd know better than me, Fujiko-chan. All that time you've spent with Echizen-kun after all."**

"**I always make time for my precious kouhai-tachi." Fuji was sporting the benevolent senpai expression. The one that would send any normal kouhai with a sense of self-preservation running for the hills. It was a tactic that has been passed down form senpai to senpai since the dawn of time. Back then, however, it usually assured that being the bait to draw in the prey is a very noble thing indeed. Maybe evolution skips over some things after all. **

"**And dresses apparently," Choutarou failed to quite murmur. Both Fuji and Yukimura smiled at that. "I'm surprised that such a concerned senpai as yourself would let them wander around. It could be quite dangerous."**

**Fuji analyzed that and was quite impressed. You could take it at face value, but there was another way to interpret it. "I'm sure they'll be fine. Any danger that comes of them would be completely transparent." Of course, so could his. Choutarou smiled as he picked it up. 'He's quick as well. This boy's not half bad at all.' **

**Yukimura found this exchange of double meanings quite amusing and under normal circumstances would have enjoyed spending the rest of the evening witnessing the verbal rally but he had plans for later that couldn't be put off. "Yes you're both very clever as I'm sure we're all aware." They both turned to him in slight shock. This was an out of character cut to the quick from Yukimura. Fuji picked up on the reason soon enough when he noticed Yukimura's eyes straying to his watch. He glanced over and noticed Choutarou's knowing smile. **

"**Don't worry Yuki-chan. We'll make sure you don't miss your date with Sanada-kun."**

"**He's quite right Seichi. Try to relax and have some fun." Fuji noticed Yukimura's amused expression as he raised his cup to take a sip and returned it. "Well maybe not the relax bit." And just like that the entire mood of the group had shifted toward the more plainspoken. "I'm sure my precious and ultimately confused trio is out there plotting against me," Fuji said sweetly. 'And if comes to that I have all those photos being developed as we speak,' he added to himself.**

"**What do you suppose they're plotting?" Choutarou looked amused. He did feel vaguely indebted to Ryoma but that had no current bearing on the circumstances. **

"**Considering the minds involved I'm thinking it will probably be flat retribution."**

"**Ah," Yukimura smiled knowingly, "A fix-up. That's kind of cute actually."**

**'I know. Aren't they just precious?" Fuji's eyes were no more then upturned crescents as he said this. "I think I'll let them play around with it for a while. You never know, after all." There was something about the way he said that that Choutarou couldn't put his finger on. He knew that if anyone could know it would be Fuji and he somehow doubted that he didn't already know how it was all going to work out. In fact ... no that would be too much even for him. Wouldn't it? Fuji just continued to smile at him and he felt a chill go up his back.**

"**So do tell Choutarou, how has Shishido taken to the, hmm, recent changes in your personality?"**

**Choutarou cocked one eyebrow but answered anyway. "He's become surprisingly docile. I think I broke Atobe, though. He hasn't quite been himself lately. Jumping at shadows. That kind of thing."**

"**Sounds like poor Kaidoh-kun. Mind you he's just very superstitious, I don't think I have much to do with that condition." **

**Yukimura smiled at that before Choutarou. "Don't worry. It isn't permanent. They'll be back to themselves before long. After all a sheep that knows it's a sheep isn't a fun thing to play with." **

"**Oh I wouldn't go that far. I think sheep can be quite entertaining to a particular mindset."**

"**Touché." They all shared a knowing smile and then a very knowing laugh, and the entire world walked a little more quietly that day.**

* * *

**A/N: I'll be back to my regular updating schedule as far as I know. I will update the next chapter in two or three days, however. Until then reviews are always welcome.**


	10. Soul and Center

**A/N: Nineties pop is a scary thing I've decided. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you heard the song, or whether you've ever heard it at all, the moment it's played all the lyrics are rolling off your tongue like you've been practicing it for weeks. Don't believe me? Go and download any random "Spice Girls" song right now and try to tell me the same thing five minutes later.**

**I was considering some horrible parody like Magical Girl Orihime. She even has the headgear. But then I thought about this and realized that those kinds of things always have five such characters and the thought of Ichigo in a sailor scout uniform made my brain bleed. Back to the drawing board.**

**I'll post the beta-ed version of this chapter as soon as Saxor can get back to me but she's been real busy lately so it might be a little while until then. So try to ignore the larger grammatical and spelling errors until then.**

**Warning: Pratchett and Final Fantasy XII are dangerous pastimes. Mainly because they'll consume you and all your free time if you're not careful. **

**Disclaimer: I don't even own the game. It's my younger brother's.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Soul and Center**

**Kaidoh was in a foul mood. He resented Momoshiro's implication that Inui had more than Kaidoh's best interests at heart. Or, rather, he would have resented the implication, if it had actually been one. It was more an out and out accusation really. But he still resented it. Resented it like an implication.**

**And then, of course, there had been Momo's **_**advice**_** to him after Ryoma had been dropped off at his home those few days ago. He suggested that Kaidoh try and use his "feminine charms" to try to dig any useful information out of Inui. Momoshiro ended up limping home that evening. That at least lightened his mood a little, until he recalled his late afternoon training with Inui that day. He hated reliving the past, but it was a train wreck, and like all gory scenes would replay in his head long into his senility. Long after he had forgotten loved ones' names he would remember this day and die a little inside. This is what kills people. All the stresses of bad memories piling up on them until the embarrassment is too much and it crushes them. **

**They had broken into the tennis club changing room in order to 1) dress in suitable clothes, 2) try to wash off the makeup and the horrible stain of those memories and 3) to gather up some dignity. Dignity gathering is very hard in heels. It's like trying to run across gravel in them. They all had seriously bruised egos and sprained manhoods. Figuratively anyway. There had been a note taped to Ryoma's locker from Fuji, apologizing to Ryoma for yet another failed plan and went on to suggest what they could do next time to help They decided to burn the note without reading the next suggestion. On a brighter note, at least he hadn't taken their clothes.**

**By the time Momo had been left a whimpering puddle on the ground Kaidoh's nerves were shot and he wasn't feeling up to training, let alone playing at spy, but he'd never missed a training session before and he wasn't about to start slacking now. And it's not like the spying would've been any easier later, so it was best just to hop on the horse and ride it. Sadly, Kaidoh was not built for small talk and had no real artfulness in his style of inquiry. He was aware of this, but hoped that somehow an opportunity would magically present itself. So prayers all said, and all Momo's quashed (he'd always liked that word), he set out for training.**

"**Kaidoh … are you wearing mascara?" This wasn't exactly the opening that he had been hoping for. He could feel the years ticking off his life as Inui looked at him expectantly. Each deepening shade of blush another brush with the scythe across his lifeline, a wire thin thread that was being lowered as the flames from his cheeks increased the intensity of the candle burning beneath it. **

**As has been previously mentioned, Kaidoh was a very lackluster spy. He wasn't guileful; he was direct. He wasn't cunning; he was honest. So honest in fact that he couldn't lie. He was sorely tempted to give it a go, but felt that Inui probably wasn't the person to practice against. The best he could do for now was play politics. He couldn't lie, but he didn't actually have to answer the question.**

"**I have long eyelashes," he replied, the remark barely making it off his tongue before his life began to flash before his eyes. It was depressingly short. It also had an unpleasant ending: one that happened around the "–lashes" bit, previously followed by a question and some time in a dress.**

**Inui's eyebrows drew together. "Well, that is true," and paused before deciding to let it go. It didn't seem likely but maybe Kaidoh was trying to make himself pretty for him. The probability was in the thousandth percentile (roughly around the .003 chance), but hope and desire can make a believer out of anyone.**

**Needless to say that wasn't quite the response that Kaidoh had expected and it made him wish there was a Momo around to kick. He furtively glanced around, but sadly, no spike-haired morons decided to make an appearance. Confronting the remark, even if he hadn't been left mentally castrated by the last few hours, was impossible given his need for assistance and they decided to leave off there and go for their run.**

**It was quite some time, and a rather lot of sweat, later that Kaidoh decided to test his skill at digging. This being Kaidoh, however, meant that a backhoe was in use. "Inui-senpai, what can you tell me about Saeki-senpai." Perhaps that was an unfair comparison. Not even a backhoe can dig that fast. **

**Inui was wondering why Kaidoh's questions never had any curls on them, they just seemed to be very probing sentences, but answered anyway. He mentioned Saeki's great ability at doubles. He made particular mention of his incredible game reading abilities and unrivaled motion vision. He also mentioned the "childhood friends with Fuji" bit as an afterthought. Kaidoh didn't show any particular interest until that last remark and he made a note to add this to his endless supplies of information about his unusually intense kouhai. He labeled it under "very suspicious" in the subcategory of "things to possibly be wary of" in the subcategory "other players in terms of possible romantic interest" in the category of "threat removal." Inui's inner clerk had a hard time finding the drawer to file that under and requested three weeks leave to recover from the strain of heavy lifting. He filed the claim at Inui's mental health office and was told he'd get an answer within six to eight weeks time and was thanked for his continued dedication to the well being of the whole. On a side note, the claim was mysteriously never recovered and Inui's clerk ended up becoming a very obnoxious drunk who slept on the job until he was politely told he was no longer needed on the front line and had been moved down to the mailroom. **

**Inui knew it was coming, so he wasn't surprised when a few minutes later Kaidoh asked, "What do you know about his relationship with Fuji, Inui-senpai."**

**Inui knew next to nothing. Fuji was impossible to drag information out of, and Saeki lived rather far away and knew about Inui's reputation. And Yuuta, the only other person who could shed any light on this situation, was a pillar of mortal terror whenever Inui probed him for information about his brother. Inui disliked admitting to ignorance about anything, so he decided to probe out Kaidoh's reason for asking. "Why do you want to know?" To the casual observer it would appear that Inui was as blunt as Kaidoh at asking questions, but that casual observer would be labeled myopic by anyone who knew the players involved. Inui knew Kaidoh couldn't lie, and he was also aware that the boy could wriggle out of any indirect questions like the viper he was so often called by Momoshiro. Kaidoh always answered direct questions, treated the idea of questions as a give-and-take enterprise, and his answers weren't lies so it was the most efficient way of digging out information.**

**Kaidoh was undergoing an internal struggle again: the struggle to find a suitable, honest answer without revealing too much of his intention. He settled for the very shifty "know thy enemy' adage that Inui employed and hoped it would serve him well. Inui looked thoughtful, decided not to push it for fear of alienating the boy, and answered, a little nonplussed, "No more than what I just said I'm afraid." Leaving Kaidoh both a little relieved and a little peeved. This meant that he had to go straight to the source and question Saeki himself.**

**But first he was definitely going to give his face a good scrub.**

* * *

**Momo, having recovered from his mild limp of the day before was trying to rig up a game plan for his subtle interrogation of Ann. Subtle means to Momo what dig means to Kaidoh, however, and his mind was swimming with burgers and Echizen and some rather unusual combinations of the two, that would have left Kaidoh blushing and Ryoma, frankly, confused. Ryoma wouldn't recognize the apparent sex appeal of condiments as it were. Kaidoh, however, always blushes when things move to the more lewd aspect of things.**

**He was trying to find a suave way of asking Ann if her brother ---ed boys and if so, would he be interested in ---ing Fuji. He wasn't sure where the dashes were coming from. Meanwhile inside Momo's head, his internal censor was bashing his head against the wall and wondering how he'd got stuck with this gig. It didn't sound too bad until you knew that Momo spent a lot of time with blurry thoughts for a reason, and would, upon occasion, speak and think in morse code. Akutsu's, it should be mentioned, was chained to wall a withering away in the torture chamber of his head somewhere. So things could always be worse. At least from Akutsu's censor's point of view.**

**Momo gave up and addressed the girl he was sitting next to at the street courts, who had for the last five minutes been staring Momo in awe as she tried to figure out how a person muttered to himself in dash. "Ann does your brother kiss bois?" (Momo's inner spell-check was at this time consoling Momo's inner censor and wasn't too keen on his own job anyway. Momo was a walking colloquialism so why bother trying to adjust his language anyway?)**

**Ann barely skipped a beat before replying, "I am not setting you up with my brother Momo."**

**Momo was shocked. Firstly because she thought that he was gay, which was true, but she had no right thinking about it. And secondly because she didn't think that he would be good enough for her brother even if he **_**were**_** gay, which he was, which she also had no proof of.**

**Ann caught his expression and continued, severely. "I am not my brother's pimp Momo. You want to ask him out, do it yourself."**

"**I was asking if your brother were ghey. I was not asking for a fix-up. And how dare you imply that I'm not good enough for him!"**

**She gave him that famous female expression which made him feel like he were five years old and a good foot shorter than her before she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why do you want to know Momoshiro?" she asked tiredly.**

**He decided to cut to the chase, though he had been doing that like there was no tomorrow to begin with. "I was wondering if he might have any feelings for Fuji."**

**Her eyes sparked in interest at that. "You want to set up Fuji with my brother? Does this mean Fuji has feelings for him?"**

"**Possibly."**

**She stuck out her tongue at him. "Well then, you're just going to have to ask him yourself," and flounced off. She was followed by a mysterious series of dots and dashes before he too left the court to go think about how to broach the subject with the captain of a rival school. He was in a cold sweat before he was halfway down the steps.**

* * *

**Ryoma, meanwhile, was relaxing at home and giving no real consideration to his part in the plan at the moment. He decided that Kawamura would be easy to get to open up and was saving that for after practice next weekend when Kawamura had a day off. He was currently trying to solve his own problems without the bumbling, if well intentioned, help of his two doting senpai-tachi.**

**He knew that one of them was his soul and that the other was his center. He was just trying to figure out which was which. He was also trying to figure out where he'd learned those terms and just what they meant, exactly. He was happy that he had a lot of time to ponder the answers. He had a feeling that it might take him longer than an anticipated to figure them out.**

* * *

**A/N: Well we're nearing the finish line and it won't be long before I've entangled Orihime in one of my harebrained plots. Hope to see you there when I finish. Drop a line if you can.**

**Oh and I blame Terry Pratchett for the dashing, just in case you were wondering. I'm starting to write like him by osmosis I swear. Not that that's a bad thing … just peculiar. **


	11. The One With The Ultimate Bastard

**A/N: It has been 11 days since I've had internet access. It was a painful experience. I never want to go through that again. Apparently the family computer kept shorting out the phones and since I have dial-up... no internet. No phones either. I felt like I was stranded. But that's over and soon I will be back at school with highspeed and no worries. Other than this new roommate of mine. I didn't want one to begin with but I certainly didn't want the old one either. He was a senior. It would have been awkward. Hopefully this ones a freshman. I could deal with a freshman. He'd probably just move out if he couldn't take living with me. I know I would if I were him. Oh well, everyone should have a roommate at least once, Rommel says. Of course she has a single this year so she's being just a tad snarky about it because I had one last year when her roommate was a Klepto.**

**Ain't life grand?**

**On a positive note my chapters are steadily increasing length. This chapter was just over three thousand words. A little more experience and I'll be all the way there. **

**Warning: I've gone back to KHII for now. Something about a creature with 50 million health (roughly) just doesn't sit right with me for some reason.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: The One With The Ultimate Bastard**

**Inui was taking an active interest in Kaidoh's well being. **

**He was most certainly not, as Eiji so callously refers to it, "stalking" Kaidoh.**

…

**His story would be less suspect, he felt, if he didn't spend such a lot of time hiding around corners and under hedges. But if it was a choice between others misinterpreting the facts and the proper care and attention to detail he felt was necessary in a truly concerned senpai, then their opinions could be damned. After all he spent a good deal of time sp- _observing_ the other members of the team. (Except for Fuji of course. Never Fuji. Ever since the bowling incident, being left alone in the tensai's presence made him break out in a cold sweat.) The fact that the amount of time he spent studying Kaidoh was equal to that he spent on the rest of the team was a mere, hmm, fluke. A statistical anomaly as it were. Anyway he was personally involved in his workout régime and was also his occasional doubles partner. (He tried to ignore the knowledge that if something _unfortunate_ were to happen to Momo, the occasional would be dropped from the title. He did, however, need a test subject for his health drinks…)**

**And then there were the notebooks.**

**Inui sighed. Some things just didn't bear thinking about. So he chose not to do it. After all he was witnessing something right in front of him that called for a great deal of pondering. And, possibly, a plan of action.**

**He had thought it was unusual when Kaidoh asked him about Saeki. Kaidoh's general interest in other tennis players typically boiled down to levels:**

**1.) Rivals. (As in players he can be near who don't get under his skin. Teammates included.)**

**2.) Annoying rivals. (People like Kamio and, once upon a time, Ryoma.)**

**3.) Momo**

**Seigaku's Viper didn't think of people in the typical friend/foe format. They were all enemies. He just happened to be on a team with people who, while still adversaries, were less so than the people he happened to be playing against at the time, such as Rokkaku for example.**

**Which was why Inui was having a hard time coming to terms with _his_ Kouhai having a non-tennis related meeting with a category 1 player. After all, the only conclusion he could come to involved the loss of Ryoma to Momo which he hadn't heard about (an inner Inui jigged about in glee at the thought), although Kaidoh probably would have found out first if that had happened. Which meant that Kaidoh had moved on ... to Saeki (jigging Inui grew fangs at this and his glasses glinted ominously as he tried to decide between a knife and a mostly purple beaker that was foaming at the lip.)**

**Inui had thought that the difficult part in all of this was keeping out of sight while he followed Kaidoh. The bus had been a particular experience. One where he had to use another person for cover while Kaidoh glanced around out of sheer boredom. Most people would have had a bit of a problem with that. He would have been happier if that most had been an all. Old women could get some funny ideas.**

**He shuddered slightly at the recollection. Pinching should be a capital offence he felt. Nevertheless he'd gotten all the way to Rokkaku Middle School before trouble settled in. He'd thought that the only people there were Kaidoh and Saeki, Kaidoh obviously having called ahead to arrange this meeting which did nothing for Inui's morale. He'd thought he'd have to teach the boy how to dial a phone to ever get a call. And for some reason Kaidoh had stopped answering calls from his ssenpai after that embarrassing _hehe_ misunderstanding at the street courts.**

**Nevertheless there they were, Kaidoh looking uncomfortable as he does in regards to anything involving a social situation and Saeki being his usual charming, light-hearted self. It made inui sick. He'd thought to use the cover of the playground equipment to get close enough to eavesdrop on the pair when Kentarou had dropped down beside him with his usual over enthusiastic grin.**

**Inui had the presence of mind to clamp a hand around his mouth before he could bring attention to where they were and dragged him off behind Oji's woodworking shed. Inui was very good at lying. He prided himself on his ability to misinform, which is why he was so tetchy right now. What on earth could he possibly use as an excuse? 'Oh, I wasn't spying on my kouhai and your senpai, I was merely out for a stroll and happened to see them conversing and thought that coming out from under the jungle gym would be a good laugh for all.' One it wasn't believable at all to anybody, and two Kentarou would have believed him and been all for it. **

**Which left the truth.**

**Inui hated the turth. It left him with a foul taste in his mouth, something like regurgitated crow.**

**Kentarou beat him to the punch anyway, so it didn't really matter anymore. But it was all a question of style really. He should've been able to come up with something just in case this happened. "Spying on Kaidoh and Saeki?"He grinned brightly.**

**Inui glared at him. "I do not spy." Then sighing in the face of that smile, "And yes."**

"**Why?"**

**Inui did not want to answer that question. Kentarou knew Inui didn't want to answer that question. Inui knew that Kentarou knew that he didn't want to answer that question. And Inui thought that Kentarou was probably well aware of all of this too. Nevertheless, the grin. It had a life of its own that grin. _How dare it mock me._ And then there were the eyes. The big innocent eyes. Like Inui believed that. They were just as bad as the smile really. "Why are you here?"**

"**Hmm?" Kentarou looked puzzled for a moment while Inui silently seethed. "Oh, Saeki said we could do something together after he'd talked to Kaidoh. He sounded pretty bemused actually." And then there was the look. The 'HA! I told you what you really wanted to know and that's the last thing you were expecting to happen!' Inui didn't know you could taste regurgitated crow before you were forced to eat it. It was pretty impressive.**

**Choosing not to say anything he peered back around the shed at a seriously red Kaidoh getting all the more so as Saeki tried to reassure him.**

"

* * *

**Momo felt very awkward approaching Tachibana after his conversation with Ann. He just didn't know what was he was going to do if she had told her brother that he had been asking after him. And, of course, being the person that she is she would leave out the whole Fuji aspect of the situation. Because there's nothing like a girl for turning an already difficult situation into one so ---ed up there'd be no hope of things ever returning to normal. Momo paused while he replayed the thouht again. And then again. And then resorted to shaking his head like a wet dog to see if anything was rattling out of place up there. Oh well, things could be worse. He could be replacing the dashes with words like "effed" and "sugar".**

**He idly wondered if Kamio knew morse code as he wandered onto the street courts yet again hoping to run into Tachibana. The Fudomine regulars were engaged in matches with each other as he tried to spy out if Tachibana was there. He finally found him overseeing a match between Ibu Shinji and Kamio Akira. And then he noticed Ann right next to him. He particularly noticed her noticing him. And the dashes and blurs of extreme violence in his head snapped into place as she smirked and tugged at her brother's sleeve to bring Momo to his attention. **

"**Momoshiro," he offered as a greeting as he walked over to him, his sister making several pointed gestures behind his back. There was the difference between Tezuka and Tachibana he decided. Tezuka was always a little stiff, or rather very stiff, even his anger was stiff. When Tezuka greeted Momo in the same manner, he was always wondering what he'd done wrong and seeing if he could pin it on someone else. Tachibana's was merely a way to say hello. It was even warm. It might be nice to have a captain that didn't descend from Pinocchio he decided.**

"**Tachibana, Tachibana's sister," Momo greeted with a smirk making her squawk in indignance. It was the same with younger siblings anywhere. Give them one wellknown sibling and they'd be known as someone's brother or sister by everyone else around them, and it would always get under their skin.**

**Tachibana smiled at him, "I think that's enough expletives for anyone Ann. Why don't you go watch over the matches." She left in a huff as both he and Momo took a seat. "What did she do to you?" **

**Momo tried for innocent and failed terribly. Passing the blame never worked out for him. "It's nothing important. I just thought it was time someone tweaked her nose out of the air." Tachibana didn't even try of the stern older brother method. He merely laughed when heard that.**

"**Did you come here for a match?"**

**Momo considered it. "Not really. Unless you're feeling up to it?"**

**Tachibana smiled lightly. "Are you challenging me Momoshiro?"**

"**Of course. I never back down from a match. Particularly not against a nationally ranked player." Momo gets sidetracked very easily. It's a fault of having an attention span the length of a serve when a tennis match is in the offing. **

"**Know many do you?" Tachibana teased making Momo blush at his own bravado. "We can play when one of the courts open up," he offered. "But only if you tell me why you're really here."**

**Momo also moved into conversations with negative tact value when faced with a match. "I was wondering if- Why did you bleach your hair?" The question had been niggling around at the back of his brain for a while now and sidetracked him.**

**Tachibana looked confused for a moment at Momo's sudden shift in the conversation but rallied nicely. "Someone asked me to do it for the Nationals. He wanted to see what it looked like in person. Apparently the photos my sister parades around with weren't enough for him."**

**The "he's" and "him's" clicked into place in Momo's head and he remembered what he was actually there for. "Who?"**

"**Me," was the sharp reply from in front of them. "Why are you here Momo?" Momo couldn't help but notice the suspicious, almost possessive aura coming off him and had his answer. _Oh. Poor Tachibana. And here I was thinking he was always mad at me cuz he thought _I_ was after Ann and I thought he was too. Apparently the bastard just didn't want me for an in-law. As if _he_ could do better... _a lot of dashes can be said in three little dots Momo realized.**

**He looked over at the court when he noticed that Shinji wasn't with him and saw him passed out on the pavement. "Well, if we move Shinji we can have that match Tachibana."**

**Kamio did not appreciate being ignored. "What about what you came here for?" Tachibana asked as they moved towards the courts. Kamio really didn't appreciate when it was his boyfriend ignoring him.**

"

* * *

**Ryoma looked down at his phone with a smirk when he saw Kaidoh's name pop up on caller I.D. "Hello, Kaidoh-senpai. So how was- one moment I think Momo's trying to beep in." Ignoring Kaidoh's comment to ignore the idiot and stop calling him senpai, Ryoma initiated threeway calling so they could all chat.**

**He listended with amusement as initially they both tried to talk over each other and then started fighting and then went back to talking over each other. It sounded like Kaidoh got the short-end of the stick on this one although Momo did lose spectacularly against Tachibana in a match that he felt was more important than the news that Tachibana was already involved. Apparently Saeki thought Kaidoh was trying to ask him out and when he explained that he was already seeing somebody and tried to comfort Kaidoh it was all his poor senpai could do not to throw himself off the nearest available birdge. Momo was starting to make fun of him when they both heard something unusual on the line and froze. It sounded muffled and strained as though someone were trying to contain something when peal after peal of laughter ripped out of Ryoma.**

**It was something neither of the other two had ever really heard out of the freshman. The occasional snigger, yes. Maybe even some quiet chuckling. But this was something else altogether and they both went crimson to their roots when heard it.**

**Wiping a tear out his eye, Ryoma finally rebounded and told them that everything was fine. That things had gone well with Kawamura-senpai and that everything could move forward as planned. A dark and ugly suspicion began to itch around the base of Kaidoh's spine. "You didn't already know about all of this did you Ryoma?" The sound of Momo suddenly listening intently caused static to crackle on the phone. "Because it comes to mind that you and Kentarou did spend that night before the end of your match together. And not even you two could have spent that entire night playing each other, after an hours long match, and still have enough energy left over to compete the next day."**

"

* * *

**A/N: One down and probably just one more to go. Here's hoping nothing happens in the meantime. Just out of curiousity I'd like to know how you'd prefer this story to end. So leave me a note if you have an opinion. **


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